Career And Relationship: How To Have The Best Of Both Worlds

Centuries before, women are expected to just stay at home, manage the household and take care of the children. Some will probably do some charity works just to have something that will occupy their free time. There is however no question on what should come first. Relationships and family will always be first priority.

Times have changed.

Today, women ----and men at that ---- choose between career and relationships. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, most will choose career. A materialistic society spawned people who are more into careers than personal relationships. With a fast-paced world and the competitiveness in the professional world, they feel that opportunities in their careers will only knock once. Because of this they sacrifice their personal relationships in favor of their careers.

Some people even set-up their lives by completely deleting the need for choice. These are the people who are confirmed workaholics, building their career at the expense of family and relationships. But should there be a choice? Should there be a contest between personal and professional life? Should one be sacrificed for the other?

Some individuals have actually been able to handle having a relationship and building a successful career path. All it seems to take is proper time management and honesty.

Below are some tips on how to have the best of both worlds.

Set boundaries.

In managing both a career and a relationship, one thing that you should do first is to set boundaries and establish some ground rules. Define early on in the relationship what you want and just how far you can sacrifice one at the expense of the other. Your partner will appreciate the honesty. This will also help clear things and will define just where the relationship starts. Prioritizing work does not mean that you do not care for your partner or you love them less the same way prioritizing your partner and your family does not mean that you are not committed to your career.

Anticipate problems with schedules

Emergency deadlines and unexpected appointments are not new to work especially if you are holding an important position. This can lead to canceled dates or forgotten anniversaries. To prevent disagreements and misunderstandings, it is important that you anticipate things and talk about these kinds of situations before they happen.

Make your partner understand that you cannot turn away from your responsibilities. Talking about things will minimize fights and misunderstandings. Still, even though you have already talked about it, when the situation arises, apologize still and try to make up after. One mistake that couples make is they become angry when their partner expect them to still explain things.

Set time for each other

You can accomplish anything if you just set your mind to it. Making a success of both your personal and professional life just needs proper time management. While work is also an important part of your life, do not make it the center of your existence. Allot time for your partner. One strategy that will work is to set a specific night in a week where you both can go out and just be together. This way, you will already have an idea what dates to avoid when you are setting appointments.

You should also take a week off from work once or twice a year and spend it with your partner. Go to a tropical island or beach. Travel abroad. This way, you can regain the closeness that you have outside the pressure of your professional life.

Quality time vs quantity

It is not actually the amount of time that you spend together but how you spend your time. You can spend the whole week together but if you spend them worrying and thinking about work, you might as well go to the office. Make sure that if you spend time together, you will only be thinking of non-work things. Make the most of every minute that you spend together. Connect with each other and do things that you will both enjoy.

Work is work, love is love

If you are having problems at work, make sure that you do not bring it to your relationship. Try to separate these two components of your life.

The Fantasy of Love


Love Is A Emotional Roller Coaster.

What is more thrilling to the ear then the sound of, “I Love You”? Songs are written about it, movies excite our senses as lovers stroll into the sunset. Tears dribble down our cheek as our children peer into our eyes and say, “ I love you.” The heart flutters and it feels as if it will jump into the mouth, the first time a true love is kissed.


It’s said, love makes the world go round, but does it really? Is it real or just a fantasy?


People Don’t Know How To Act.

People are expected to respond in a certain way where love in involved. We see advertisements, movies, hear lyrics and read stories of love. But wait, how does a person know if it is love or just physical attraction? Is our senses being duped? Are we subjects of the merchants and social expectancy? Let’s face it, people can procreate and rear children without the help of love.


Keep On Walking When Love Comes A knocking

When does one fall in love, at first sight, after a courting period or after the commitment speech? In today’s world, in the United States, couples choose to live together, have children but not commit to marriage. The traditional family, as we knew it in past years is in danger of extinction. The family unit has become so fractured that we can’t define it anymore. And love . . . where has it gone? What value does it have? How does one explain its emotion?


Finding a mate has become commercialized through Internet dating services, speed dating and personal columns in newspapers. Has love been reduced to social clubs and Internet social websites? Then there are the enhanced products for people to improve their appearance. What a deception, there are no guarantees of what you see is what you get.


What Is Acceptable?

Now it’s acceptable by many people to have a “close encounter” on the first date. No getting to know you, just dating for pleasure. There is no substance in today’s courting process. Maybe its my age speaking, but I believe, “today’s deviations are tomorrows norms.” If you don’t believe it just look around at the progression of human behavior over the past fifty years. I can hear you know. “We don’t to be old fashion.” You’re right. Cars, airplanes, TVs and microwave ovens are great and to own them is fashionable. Human relations has not changed, people are the same now as they were yesteryear.


The Meaning Of Love Is Lost

Love used to mean something. There was a certain excitement in knowing someone loved you and you loved them. You looked forward to seeing your love after a day’s work. Our Nation was built on family values and love of freedom. Now, no more values, morals, and freedom . . . well, it’s taken for granted.


It’s Only A Hollywood Production

Love is a fantasy in the minds of Hollywood, a way to cash in on human emotion. The quest for love sells product and keeps candles lit restaurants in business. A lovers moon is only a symbolism in romance books. We look for it, we are broken hearted when it doesn’t happen and the bars are full of those who lost it.


I’m beginning to believe is not only a fantasy it is a travesty. People kill, commit suicide, rob banks and die of broken hearts all in the name of love.


Pure Love Is Not Forgotten

So love, the purest emotion to humans has suffered the same fate as morals, values and trust. They have all become yesterdays old fashion ideology. Now people fantasize about love and have forgotten how to experience the essence of it. They have become confused and don’t know what to expect of love.


Demand A New Political Correctness

Maybe one day love will regain its rightful place in the human heart. Maybe swooning will again be popular. And the White House will once again become white.


Happy Trails




Real True Love is Just Perfect

When you say you love some truly what do you mean. Do you see the person and all you feel is some sort of excitement that goes on in your body. Is love according you a feeling that one feels when they see another person? You could be right for after all, you cannot say you love someone and you feel nothing for them. There has to be some sort of attraction between the two of you. However, a real true love is more than a feeling. Real true love is about sacrificing your self for a person. When you realize that you can sacrifice anything for your mate then you can say that you have real true love. If you cannot afford to sacrifice your time and everything that you can, then you do not love.

Real true love is patient. It will wait for the mate to be ready to take the relationship to another level. Never will true love force one to have sex with them to prove a point. No one has to sleep with anyone before the other person knows that they love them. True love is never about sex anyway. It is about companionship, love, care and understanding.  A deeper understanding of each other that only people who love each other and share things about each other really understands. So if you are not patient don't say you love someone. You don't. However do not worry, there is an amount of impatience that is acceptable.

Real true love is about being there for each other. If one of you is feeling down on himself or herself, the other person will be there to try to make them feel better about a situation. When the person is broke, do you avoid the person like he was some kind of a leaper? If you do so then you cannot say you have real true love. Real true love is about keeping it real and understanding that things can go wrong at one time, so wrong that both of you wouldn't not know what to do but true love should be able to put a smile on your faces every time you think about the love for each other.

Real true love makes the world go round. It might never be able to provide food, shelter and drinks but it will provide you with peace. Peace that you might not be able to experience if you were not truly in love. If anyone should fail, true love is not going to judge him or her but rather try to get him or her to rise above their failures and try harder. That is just what true love can do to you. So incase you are wondering whether you and your mate have true love, look at how you behave and whether the two of you are patient, kind, loving, understanding, respectful of each other, caring and above all you spend time together and do not judge each other.

What the the Path of True Love is

Everyone would like to walk down the path of true love. No one has actually ever promised that it will be smooth all the way but still there are a lot of people who would give anything to experience true love and to be loved. The main reason for this is that when someone falls in love and they love each other truly, the world around them seems to be okay. Even when they are in trouble everything will seem right. There is a certain glow that is associated with love that you can literally see in a person who is in love. There is a satisfaction in knowing that a person loves you and no matter what you did they will still love you.

The path of true love is not jealous, neither is it judge mental. Someone who loves you will see you talking to a person and will not be jealous. If you love each other the person knows for sure that you will not cheat on him or her so they have no reason to be jealous. True love is also about being patient, it is patient with everything that the person does. People who do not love truly are never patient. If there partner does something wrong, they get irritated and would tell their partners so without butting an eye lid. For someone who loves you truly, they will tell you when you are wrong in a very nice way. They will take care not to hurt your feelings. They care.

However, the path of true love is not all rosy. In fact there are people who would rather walk another path than walk the path of true love. This is because no one would like to worry about what they will eat or drink. No also likes to worry about having to be kicked out of their house just because they could not afford to pay their rent. Just because you love someone, it does not mean that you have to live in utter poverty. that is why some people would rather date someone who is rich and willing to provide for them than be with someone they truly love and they truly love them in return but they cannot simply meet their needs. To them, love is not in their equation and they would rather live with someone they barely love but at least have some liking for them.

There are people who not walk the path of true love with someone they love because the person is sick and they are more likely to die than to get better. It is sad but this really happens. People don't want to worry about waking up one day to not find the love of their lives. The people who are sick might also not want to subject the people they love in this kind of anxiety and so they might push the people they love, no matter how hard you try to get close to them they will keep pushing you away.

Some Essential Love Symbols in Dating

Love is the greatest feeling that anyone can ever experience. To love and to be loved is great. There are several animals in the world that have been used as love symbols. They are universally known to represent something. The dove are known world wide to represent the symbol of peace and if sent to a person it simply means that they love them in a very great way. In the western countries the dove has always been used during the wedding to symbolize that the couples love each other. There are some birds that have also been known to symbolize love. They are known as love birds. These love birds are blue in color. It is generally believed that one love bird can not live without its partner, it mysteriously dies. Whatever the case, these little blue birds are used as a symbol for love.

Some other love symbols that can be used are the dolphins and the swans. It is believed that the Greek goddess of love took the form of a dolphin. So according to some people, since this goddess of love took the form of a dolphin, the dolphins can be used to signify that you love someone. The swan can also be used to signify that you love someone. The Virgin Mary has got several symbols and one of them is the swan. The Virgin Mary is full of love and it is pure. When someone sends you a swan, they simply mean that they love you and the love they have for you is pure. The swan has several other meaning though among them grace, beauty, and grace.

Among love symbols that are commonly used are the horse. The horse is attributed to a horse goddess that was full of love and fertility. It is also believed that the horse carries with it light and warmth. It is also one of the Chinese Zodiac signs. It is also among the strongest animals in the world and people often refer to people who are strong as, as strong as a horse. If someone sent you a horse, it could mean that they love you and not only that, that their love is as strong as it can be and they are comparing it to the horse. It is good to have someone who loves you truly.

The star fish and the ladybug are also love symbols. It is believed that a ladybug when captured and then released will fly to the person you love and tell him or her, your name. Perhaps you should catch a ladybug today and experiment with it. The proof will be that after it has whispered your name to the person you love or to the person that loves you, he or she will come to wherever you are. This ladybug also has some spots on its back and before you harry to disapprove of this you should count the number of sports it had. The spots represent the number of months you will have to wait before your true love shows up. The star fish on the other hand is a symbol of love. It looks like a star and stars are also known to symbolize love. 

What is True Love?

I recently asked a small child to define love for me and this is what she came up with. She said love is when you see someone sad you try to make them smile and that when you see them cry you reach out and make them stop crying. She went ahead to say a person who loves you will send you presents. According to this little girl, anyone who sends presents to you loves you very much. That to her is what love is. She is not wrong. It is quite easy to tell if someone loves you or not. You can find out in a minute if someone loves you or simply dislikes you that is ofcourse if the person is not trying to put on a show of love yet they do not love you. You can also be able to find out if its true love that you and your partner share or it is just something that closely resembles love.

You should know its true love when you see your partner supporting you in everything you do. The support however should never be one sided. If it is one sided you should know for sure that, that is not true love the two of you are feeling for each other. For every relationship, there should always be a two side to everything. Like some people say, love and friendship is a two way traffic, if it goes on as a one way traffic it is more likely to fail than to succeed. So if you notice that the tow of you support each other in everything that you do, then what the two of you have is true love.

Its true love if you both wait for the right time to do some things. Look at the relationship you are having, are you being forced to do things that you do not really want to do or does he or she respect your decision about things and are they ready to wait forever if they could for you to decide you are ready to take the relationship into another level? If the answer is no, you should know what your partner feels for you is not true love but rather something that resembles love. If someone loves you and for that matter loves you truly, they will never force you to do anything. If you tell them you do not feel like doing something t\hey will not force you, neither will they black mail you into doing it by telling you that if you loved them so much like claim to do, you would do something for them.

What is attracting you to the person, is it the money, or the looks. If neither of this features as number one on your list, then you should know that you love the person truly. Its true love if you are willing to look beyond the person's looks or financial background. If the person you love also does not look at the looks and money matters then you should be sure that what the person feels for you is true love.

Healthy Relationship Program: Set Goals and Transform your Relationship

Imagine your life without goals. That’s right: pretend you just wiped away every single goal imaginable—from the mundane sort like getting out of bed and brushing your teeth to the bigger variety, like making partner at the firm. I bet you can’t imagine it. Because without goals (the ones you consciously name and the ones you just carry out), our lives might feel like unstructured, amorphous stretches of time. Setting goals can direct, energize and motivate you. And meeting your goals is a tremendously rewarding experience.

Take a moment to jot down three goals that are important to you—things you want to achieve in your life.

Then think about which aspects of your life are most important to you—what you cherish most in life.

If you’re anything like the people I recently surveyed, then your goals include things like: making more money while working less, exercising more and losing weight (and keeping it off) and getting out of debt. Money and health topped the goal-setting list.

Then I asked these same individuals for a different type of list—a list of what they cherish most in life. Almost all discussed their relationship with their spouse or life partner. People and relationships topped the what’s-most-important-to-you list.

Relationship Goals are MIA:

Here’s what I find remarkable. The people I surveyed didn’t have any goals for what they cherish most in life—their relationship or marriage. When it comes to goal-setting, marriage is left at the curb. There’s a dangerous assumption lurking that a good relationship will take care of itself. The frequency of failed relationships tells us this assumption is dead wrong.

Your Relationship Roadmap: Create a vision

In order to create relationship goals, it’s important to have a vision that details the kind of spouse or partner you aspire to be as well as the type of relationship that is important to you and your partner—this picture should be consistent with your personal values. When your goals are out of sync with your values, you’ll find yourself stalled on the road to your relationship destination.

A set of relationship goals is a roadmap that lends direction to your relationship. If your relationship already meets your vision, then working to keep the relationship at this level can be your goal.

An exercise to help you create relationship goals:

Imagine that your partner has been hired to teach a class about you at UCLA. The syllabus is a written testament to the type of spouse or partner you’ve been throughout the history of your relationship. Not holding anything back, s/he will detail your strengths and weaknesses as a partner. The entire truth (as your partner sees it) will be unfurled for an eager audience motivated to learn all about you.

What do you imagine s/he will say about you?

Respond to this question as honestly as possible. If you find yourself resisting this exercise or focusing more on what you’d like your partner to say, you won’t establish any meaningful goals. Remember, this exercise is designed to help you take a realistic look at yourself as a partner, a necessary step in creating goals that will make a difference in your relationship or marriage. You will need to open yourself up to some truths that may sting. Take my word—it will be well worth it.

There’s relationship gold to be found in the gap:

There will be a gap between what you’d like your partner to convey in his/her lecture and what s/he would actually say. This gap contains valuable information that you’ll use to set up relationship goals. Keep in mind that establishing and reaching relationship goals means committing to changing your behavior. The focus should be on you and not what you believe your partner should do differently.

The guiding question is: How wide is this gap and what can you do to narrow it?

When you begin to take steps to answer this question, you start accumulating the information you need to create your relationship goals. Don’t rush this—it should be a process that you come back to over and over again.

Ready to discover more about relationship goal-setting and other practical ways to improve your relationship?

How Important Are Relationships? Is Your Relationship Real?

After much experience, thought, and research into the vast idea of some of the internets driving forces, I have discovered a few things and formulated a unique opinion on why this all is so important. Understanding that information seeking is primarily the main reason why people use the internet, I have recently gained insight that I would like to share that is sure to catch the spark of some of the internet's most recent trends.

Relationships are everywhere, whether they are family, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend or even a secret crush. In a youth dominated internet era, the relationship building websites such as Facebook, MySpace and Me continue to prosper. With a few simple clicks instant access becomes available into millions of web surfers personal lives. Fortunately for us, due to the vast reach of the information age's finest tool, our global internet, the number of people we can meet and get to know becomes endless.

We meet, we greet, and we choose who we know. Relationships come, Relationships go. Some real, some not so real. With those real relationships having the ability to touch and potentially affect our lives in ways we could never imagine. Relationships make up who we are, who we know, and eventually who we become. Relationships are our most valuable possession. Whether we admit it or not, we all acknowledge that we would seek and appreciate the true answer to the question "How real are your relationships?"

I have learned that not always is it possible to answer this above mentioned question so easily. Often it is hard to put our exact thoughts into words. This is why I believe relationship testing is so useful. It allows us to answer basic questions that we do not know the answers for. Professional relationship testing on the internet is few and far between. Other relationship testing sites that provide relationship advice in the form of testing usually charge users for insightful, useful, and applicable relationship advice. This site always make an effort to provide completely free relationship tests.

All of the relationship tests come with a three part response. The first part is a graphical layout of where you stand (based on your test score) versus other test takers in comparison to the optimal score for tests. The second part of the relationship test advice gives general relationship advice in paragraph form about the designated test topic. While the third section of relationship advice given is also in paragraph form and is specifically addressing you based on your score for the chosen test.

Even more importantly, not only does relationship testing provide a great way to learn about ourselves, but imagine if it was possible to learn the same things about someone else. Through the website you are able to send tests to your friends and see their results after they take a test. This feature is what separates this site from any other on the internet. I am in a relationship currently, and I was able to send my girlfriend some tests to see where she stood on a few issues. Some of the tests I sent her were: Are you satisfied with your relationship? Marriage Material? Is the relationship too physical? and my personal favorite Big Flirt? And because all of the test responses were so in-depth, I learned a lot about her. The send test feature was very useful and informative for me.

In closing I must say if anyone were ever given an opportunity learn about your boyfriend, learn about your girlfriend, strengthen your friendship, learn about love, learn about dating, or simply just have some fun, you should definitely visit this site. All of the advice you receive is professionally backed by an assembled team of relationship experts. The relationship expert team consists of doctors, counselors, psychologists, and/or love coaches. All of which are dedicated to bettering relationships of many kinds, whether family, friends, dating or marriage.

I hope the best for you in your endeavors. Never forget to seek help in resources greater than yourself, for this is when the real personal growth begins.

Can We Stop Having the Relationship Blocks, Barriers and Blunders so as to Have Making Up Relationship?

Can we stop having the relationship blocks, barriers and blunders so as to have making up relationship?





“I want a make up relationship!!!” “I want a make up relationship!!!” “I want a make up relationship!!!”



Some couples want to have making up relationship as much as possible. However, when times come, they realise how much desperate they really are showing on their face and feel the sense of urgency to have making up with their ex love partner as much as possible. Things may not turn out to be what they want, but if we can allow ourselves to put away the relationship blocks, barriers inside us, which we believe that at least we will have the chances to have making up relationship with our love ones.



As we've been thinking about this topic of relationship blocks, barriers and blunders, we realize that there is no end to the ways we all create blocks and barriers to having what we want in our lives. We’ve also been thinking about the fact that if you allow it to, anything (and we do mean anything) can be a barrier to love and connection. It’s been our experience that any "thing" or "person" isn't what creates the barrier. It's our thoughts about the "thing" or "person" that separate us from having what we want.



Here's an example of what we're talking about: Recently, a man wrote to us and said... "One thing I have run across mostly about keeping a relationship or even trying to get one is that I find women are looking for someone who has money or security. I don't have either and it's hard to have a relationship. “He went on to say... "A guy has to have money or security to win and keep a relationship. I have found this out 7 times in my life. And now I have not dated in over one and a half years. It just hurts too much to keep trying and know they leave to find someone with money and security."



While money and security might be important to many women, there are certainly many more women out there who have created their own money and security and don't need them from their partners. There are other women who value companionship, love or any number of things higher than money or security when looking for a mate. There are many men in the world who (if asked) would tell you that they don't have a lot of money but the do have love or a great relationship.



So, just like a lot of people, this man's thoughts and beliefs are (in our opinion) his own worst enemy. He isn't questioning them to determine whether they are true or not. He's allowing his thoughts to keep him from finding and creating the love that he wants. We're also guessing that low self-esteem could be a big contributor to his problems as well.



No matter what the reason for his relationship challenges we couldn't help but wonder...What if he changed his belief about women and about the possibilities for his future--both in the love AND money departments? What if he saw possibilities instead of defeat and took steps to move in the direction he wants? What we would like to suggest to him or anyone who doesn't have love, relationship or connection you want in your life--change your thoughts and you can remove barriers!



Last night, Mary Chan was with a small group of really vibrant and alive women who were also mothers whose bodies had changed somewhat since their days before having kids. One of the things they talked about was how hard it was to buy a bathing suit these days.



Because they felt like they didn't have the slim bodies they used to have, buying a bathing suit was intimidating to them. They thought that their bodies were too big in various places--compared to magazine models and younger women.

As they talked, they all agreed that body image comes from your thoughts and beliefs. How you carry yourself and how you present yourself to the world depends on these habitual thoughts and beliefs you tell yourself over and over.



How much we love and accept ourselves depends on how much love and connection we can accept from others. It’s not whether you have money, a great
body, or anything else that allows you to have the love, passion and connection but it’s your thoughts that can open the door to having what you want.

One woman who bought one of our books told us that her negative thoughts had kept her separated from her husband. By keeping "Relationship journal"--writing down the things that were good about her partner and her relationship, she was able to change how she felt about her relationship.



How about you? What thoughts are keeping you from the love, passion and connection that you want? As you go about your day and your week, question your thoughts that create distance and negativity inside you and with others.

Test them and really look at them to make sure the thoughts you're having (and believing) are working for you in creating the relationships and life you want instead of working against you. Question the blocks that your thinking creates for you. Open yourself to more love and happiness.


Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.



I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.





Looking for\" target="_blank">the magic of making up? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?



Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at



You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.







Stop the Blaming Game in the Relationships for Any Desperate Couples

Stop the blaming game in the relationships for any desperate couples






“How can we stop the blaming game for us especially in our relationship?” This is a new question that is popped up by one of us who have been facing it. I can feel the pain, the sorrow, the anxiety, the unhappiness, the fruitless effort that we have contributed for our relationship. Some of us who are at the age of the fifteen to thirty years old can feel the competitiveness and complication that we face in the relationship, whether is it very positive, negative, and neutral? How much effect does the relationship impact on us? It is really up to us and the individuals how we can handle the problems effectively and intelligently.



If you face the similar problems, I will encourage you not to give up easily. This is because I understand that there may have problems in and out for both of you in a relationship. Things may not run very well at times, nevertheless, you can not give up any hope, for there is a glimmer of hope awaiting you right at your front. Do always treasure and if possible, grab the opportunity that you can do so that when the time comes, you will know how much possible your relationship can be improved by both of you.



If there are a few occasions which you and your partner have been blaming one another for causing some freaking and stupid nonsense that bother you, you shall not get sad over it. That is because there are many methods for you to stop the blaming game especially in the relationship. This goes the same in the scenario given. Like for myself, I have been reminding myself not to commit any same mistakes that have been made for the past.



In the relationship, I have done so much so as to try and make her happy, but she refuses to acknowledge that. I have sacrificed all for him, and now he is showing his true colours. This is the game of blame. That not only kills a beautiful relationship but creates hatred between two lovers. Why those who were in deep love suddenly found that everything was wrong with each other and the relation? Let us look at a deep relationship. In such a relationship, everything is ours. It is neither yours nor mine. It is all ours. Even if one partner blunders, the other partner supports him/her. It is same with joy. Both experience the joy of each others achievements. The fissure in the ‘ours’ to ‘me and you’ gives rise to the beginning of the blame game.



When the love breaks and blames start going to and fro, the need is to stop and reflect. Has the relationship gone beyond repair? Is the relationship giving more pain than pleasure? Are the partners sticking to each other to find someone to blame for their failures? If all this is answered in yes, then the partners should talk about it and get help from a counsellor and decide to separate if that makes their life better.



Why do we blame somebody else? Sometimes the other person is responsible for what might have gone wrong, and sometimes, we find the other person an easy target to release our frustration. In a relationship that is nurturing, even if one partner has blundered, the other will support him/her. Rather than taking the accusing tone, it will be a tone of understanding and being together. This turns to accusations only after the relationship suffers a break. To understand blames, one should look at the relationship in deep and find out if the same blame would have been put in the beginning of the relationship. If not, what changed? There lays the clue to blame game.



In personal relationships, we are not supposed to punish the other person in any way for whatever fault. At the most, we have the freedom to move away if we find that our partner keeps on repeating destructive behaviour. We should either move away or come together again. To continue with the blame game and living together will not produce any result other than pain. Blames are not the disease but the symptom of the disease that is hurting your relationship.



Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.



I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.




How to get your girlfriend back?


Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at



You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.







Acceptance is the Key Answer for Any Making Up in Your Relationships – it Really Works

Acceptance is the key Answer for any making up in your Relationships – It really works





Let’s discover how acceptance, as a spiritual concept and practice, may be a powerful answer to your relationships -- regardless of whether you are single or in a relationship.



Acceptance, as a spiritual concept and practice, may be a powerful answer to your relationships -- regardless of whether you are single or in a relationship. I have certainly found it to be a powerful tool for me and for my clients.



The type of acceptance I am referring to is not about giving up, nor is it about shutting down out of frustration and fear. I am referring to a more spiritual/religious type of acceptance, the kind you learn from meditation or prayer. This kind of acceptance has a component of peace. It is understanding that if the thing you want the most is not meant to be in your life, then there is something better, or something more purposeful, or perhaps something to learn.



If you can achieve this kind of acceptance, you will stop desperately wanting and terribly fearing, without being angry or sad about it. You will no longer take extreme steps to try and fix or improve your relationship situation. You will no longer put your life on hold until you have the perfect relationship. You will begin to concentrate on having the best life you possibly can, right now.



In the process of doing this, your relationship situation may change to become what you wanted in the first place. On the other hand, it may not -- but you may simply have a peaceful, satisfying life.



What am I really talking about here? Let me specifically address each state of singleness or commitment, and show you how the concept of acceptance may transform your relationships.



Always Single:

Ironically, if you want to stop being single, you need to fully accept that which you fear the most -- that you may always be single.

Accept it, but don't give up, give in, be angry, shut down, etc. Turn to your spiritual counsellor, advisor, teacher, therapist, coach, etc., for help in learning acceptance.



Casually Dating:

Singles who are casually dating often have a fear they will never meet their Mr. or Ms. Right. If this is you, you need to accept that which you fear the most -- that you may never meet the right person and remain alone.

Again, you want to accept this with an open heart and mind, but don't give up, shut down, give in, get depressed, etc. Get help from a religious/spiritual leader or a coach or therapist.



Seriously Dating:

If you are in a serious relationship, you may fear that the relationship will end or never go anywhere. You need to accept that which you fear the most -- that your relationship may end, or it might get stuck at the same place you are now. Accept this and you will become free to be yourself in the relationship because you will have faced your greatest fear.



In a Long-Term Relationship in Trouble:

If your relationship is going poorly and you are both struggling to breakup or stay together, your greatest fear may be that the relationship will end. You may be afraid of losing everything you have built together with your partner -- the life, the family, the lifestyle. This is what you need to accept. Face your fear that you may in fact lose everything and have to start over.



I know this is an almost impossible thing to accept. However, acceptance will bring you freedom and peace and the innate knowledge of what to do next.



In a Long-Term Relationship Going Well:

If you are in a relationship that is going well, your greatest fear may be that the happiness you feel now may not last. And this is what you need to accept -- that in fact the happiness may not and almost certainly will not last as your relationship and life continue to move forward.



Accepting this will allow you to take grater risks in your relationship and keep it from getting stagnant and predictable. Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans.



With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again. I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.




Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at


Alternatively, you can visit this website Win Your Ex Boyfriend Back Website.



You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.









What are the Three Biggest Mistakes That the Newly Singles Have Made and How are They Going to Avoid Them for the Making Up Relationship?

What are the three biggest mistakes that the newly singles have made and how are they going to avoid them for the making up relationship?





Suddenly, it's clear to you now. The relationship is over! What are you going to do now? Caution: Don't complicate your life by beginning to date too soon after a break-up. How soon is "too soon?" That will depend upon the circumstances of the breakup. Rule of thumb: Six months or more. "Or more?" you say. Yes! Six months or more! When you cut your finger, it takes time for the wound to heal. If the sharp edge cuts to the bone, it may take longer. A thorough healing of a broken heart takes time too.


The biggest mistakes that newly singles can make are things that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really are mistakes. Some of you may have made these mistakes more than once.


I know from personal experience that if you will evade these avoidable errors in judgment, ALL of your relationships will work better. The biggest mistake that newly singles make is getting involved with someone else before the hurts of the past have healed. Two closely related mistakes include not taking full responsibility for their share of the problems that caused the breakup in the first place and making sure that those issues are complete before beginning again.


The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over and expecting a different result. Knowing your heart needs healing and refusing to do anything about it doesn't help prepare you for the next relationship. It only prolongs the agony. How can you avoid these mistakes? By living solo for awhile.


Before you can successfully get involved with and have a "healthy" love relationship with someone else, you must first get involved with yourself! When it comes to analyzing yourself, don't be an ostrich. Get your head out of the sand and take a loooooong look at what you did that may have contributed to the break-up and promise yourself that you will make some changes "prior" to your next relationship.


The time of real personal growth is when you are alone. Singles should use this time to reflect on the behaviours they did and didn't like in their former partner. Create a "romantic résumé" that lists their positive points and what you are looking for in your next mate. It's time to experience how it feels to stand on your own; taking care of you, paying special attention to who you need to become to attract a passionately monogamous, infidelity-free, fun in the bedroom relationship. You must learn to stand alone again before you can again stand together... side by side.



This doesn't mean that you shouldn't date, it only means, and that when you decide to date, you must resist the urge to become intimately involved with anyone else too soon. This is easier when you date lots of people. Don't grab the first one that comes along. Play the field. Make "having FUN" your only priority.


It requires a lot of effort to be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. You don't need to expend the additional energy it will take to do that AND work on fully recovering from your last relationship at the same time. That's just not smart. When you strain a muscle, good doctors will insist that you give it a rest if you want it to heal. That's smart. Give a monogamous, committed relationship with someone else a rest for now.


Broken relationships take time to heal. The relationship I am talking about is the broken relationship you have with yourself. Not only must you know this, you must acknowledge that there is a problem that needs repair before the healing can begin. We seem to drift around, not knowing what to do, blaming our ex, our mother- in-law, the cat, everyone but the real culprit.


If you want to know what the problem is in your relationships, it's very simple. Look into the mirror. There it is! You must muster the courage to look the problem straight in the eye and declare your independence from it. It's time to take responsibility for who you are, what you do, how you think, who you date . . . everything.


The most important relationship to you right now is the one you have with you! Rebuilding a relationship with yourself must be your highest priority. This significant first step must occur before you can be who you need to be in another healthy love relationship with someone else. For the time being, spend lots of time working on preparing for love - the love that you will share with someone else in the future.


The problem with moving too quickly to the next relationship is that there needs to be a cooling off period; that time when you begin to look at the real problem and start making some new choices about shedding all of the baggage of the last relationship. Reinvent a healthy relationship with you! Rediscover who you are! Take some time for yourself. Feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Feel it and know that it is only and always your choice to feel that way. Then do something different! In time, as you begin to acknowledge the mistakes you have made in the past and MOST important, accept responsibility for your share of the problem that caused the breakup, the hurts of the past will begin to heal.


If you also make a conscious decision to resolve not to allow those same problems to happen again, you will begin to feel better about yourself and the pain will ease. In time, you will look back and wonder how you could have let something like that happen to you. You will also wonder how you could have allowed yourself to feel the way you feel right now. You will look back in disappointment. You will be proud that you no longer will allow yourself to grovel in self pity and pain like you did in the past.


Part of the healing is acknowledging that there were indeed problems that you were responsible for. Knowing that is not enough. DOING something different is! For now, working on you is the first key to unlocking a future chock full of infinite possibilities. Whatever you want, wants you too. It is now time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself. It's time to forgive them so the hurt will heal. Nothing is unforgivable. That is only and always your choice too.


The hurts won't heal until you will allow yourself to forgive. I suppose the real question is: Just how long do you want to feel the way you feel right now? If you think that he or she was solely responsible because of what they did or didn't do, then you are missing the point. It's time to let go of that and focus on taking full responsibility for the choices that are available to you right now. Blaming others will only and always keep you stuck right where you are.


It will take a new discipline to do this. Can you do it? You must understand that the pain you feel right now is only temporary. Medical science has yet to prove that anyone has ever died from a broken heart. Broken hearts can mend. It takes time and you must do the work. You can do it! And you will do it when the desire to feel better about yourself again becomes stronger than the benefits of holding on to a past that obviously didn't work. It takes no strength to let go, only courage. Let the healing begin.


Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.



I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.




Can I get my ex back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?



Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at



You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.




What are the Seven Ways for You to Improve Your Making Up Relationship With Your Ex Love Partner?

What are the seven ways for you to improve your making up relationship with your ex love partner?





Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my clients state that, "If I have to work at it, then it's not the right relationship." This is not a true statement, any more than it's true that you don't have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction. I've discovered 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one.



Take Responsibility for Yourself

This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat you with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.



For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, through the practice of Inner Bonding you would explore your own feelings of abandonment and discover how you might be abandoning yourself. When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one's partner for one's own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, learning how to take loving care of you is vital to a good relationship. The Inner Bonding process is a pathway toward this self-care.



Kindness, Compassion, Acceptance

Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence of a truly spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly - with kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this way, and we need to treat our partner and others this way, which is one of the results of practicing Inner Bonding. Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. If your partner is consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance.



Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. If you are consistently kind to yourself and your partner, and your partner is consistently angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, then you either have to accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make your partner change - you can only change yourself.



Learning Instead of Controlling

When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, - which is Step 2 of Inner Bonding - or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some form of controlling behaviour. We've all learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others into behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on.



All the ways we try to control create even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.

For example, most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment - of losing the other - and the fear of engulfment - of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their controlling behaviour. But if you chose to move into the Inner Bonding process and learn about your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually - by learning instead of controlling.



Create Date Times

When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together - to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.



Gratitude Instead of Complaints

Positive energy flows between two people when there is an "attitude of gratitude." Constant complaints create a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don't have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.



Fun and Play

We all know that "work without play makes Jack a dull boy." Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humour is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.




A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own problems and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life. If you and your partner agree to these 7 choices, you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship!



Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.



I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.




Looking for\" target="_blank">the magic of making up? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?



Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at



You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.








7 Winning First Date Secrets for Senior Dating

You are 50 and you are still searching for your so called true love. Hate to watch your life pass you by like this… By all means, indulge in senior dating!

It's been years or decades since your last date? Even if you wanted to return into the dating scene, you're fearful that you have already lost your dating touch. And wondering how much the dating etiquette has had already progressed? Sit back and relax. Regain your dating prowess as you had in your teens back then. Read on to acquire these winning secrets on how to make senior dating lesser of a pressure and more of a pleasurable activity.

1. Care for a second serving? The decision to get into the scene of dating is the one of the goals in getting into a first date. And how else can you accomplish that but to plan a date that would ensure lots of conversation, right? This is the opportunity for you to get to know each other more. Senior dating is definitely no different from younger dating since the "guidelines" don't differ that much. On a first date, it will be wise to avoid activities that will just leave you sitting mummed in the dark, i.e., watching a movie or a play. Senior dating does not spare anyone on the stress of groping in the dark if a first date became full of dead air.

2. Bringing out the best from both. It is imperative that you consider activities that you think will be of your same interest. A hobby or a shared value built into your first date will not only minimize the pressure on the two of you but will also draw out the best in you. In senior dating, regardless of how long you've forsaken your throne already, you will be given a head start if you do your homework. Whether you ask your date regarding what her interests or hobbies beforehand or research through common friends to surprise her with such activity. If you're really into it, there'll be no way of stopping you to make this first date a good one.

3. Wonderful lunch dates. Taking into consideration of senior dating and choosing lunch over dinner for some health reasons is just a loser's thought. A first date during senior dating, just like teen dating, will be more enjoyable if done during daytime when more activities are available for the both of you to enjoy. It's just that intimate ambience that a dinner date conjures that makes a first date more of an anxiety-inducing bustle than an easy feat.

4. If going on senior dating just put you in a nerve-wracking jumbled mood, consider the ever trusty group dates with friends. This will not only minimize the pressure of coming up with an in-synch convo but will also be more of an opportunity to see how you two interact with others. A charity auction or playing a sport that you and your group both agree to will do.

5. Rock and roll or take a stroll. No, it's not about going to rock n' roll concerts. Dance parties are good first date alternatives if you are not really a lunch-date person. After an exhausting boogie-ing evening, those first date stress will already be relieved by then. Taking a stroll after the dance date will give you more time to get acquainted more of each other.

6. Senior dating doesn't mean that you have to be pressured to doing everything to the extent of straining yourself just to hit it off. How? Expand your realm of senior dating beyond those common wine tasting or book searching generic first date activities. Markets or malls are excellent for not only giving you time to gauge whether you're of the same wavelength but may also give you an excuse if you didn't. This is not about giving you negative vibes regarding your first date on senior dating but to prepare you for the possibilities of a not-so successful one or some kind of a way of getting a glimpse of the worst scenario.

7. Choose: graceful or not. First dates often meant not necessarily be knowing the person that much. If ever something comes up or simply you felt that you're not comfortable with your date, leave. It's better to be safe than be sorry.

Don't just keep on telling yourself that you've been there and done that. Just keep an open mind and remember that you're involving yourself with senior dating to have a good time. The first date is not an exception. Therefore, use these senior dating secrets whenever you can.

The Danger, Safety Tips, and Ideas for Great Teen Online Dating

If you're a teen between the age of 13 to 19, teen online dating sites can provide a lot of services. While some of these services can be the best thing to hit the teen online dating arena, keep in mind it can also be the worst online situation.

This also brings to mind all of the dangers involved with teen online dating. Keep in mind that even though dangers are involved with teen online dating there are also very good things that come out of teen online dating.

What Are Some of the Dangers of Teen Online Dating?

Many times violence is after a break up in a relationship that was not previously violent. It is estimated that more 10 percent of teens nationwide are in a  dating violence situation. Because of a teen’s age and inexperience it may be harder than adults to recognize the warning signs of abuse.Teens often also misinterpret warning signs of dating violence which includes jealousy, possessiveness, and sexual pressure as signs of love rather than warnings signs of abuse.

Messages can be confusing for teens especially. It is common for teenage victims of dating violence and abuse to keep the problem from their parents. They fear if they tell the parents, the parents will demand a separation. Most teenage victims of dating abuse do not want this to happen.

This has helped teens to see the warning signs of  dating violence and abuse. It is not always the girls who are being abused in teen dating relationships. Females are more likely to be the victims of teen dating violence, but they also can be the perpetrators.

Safety Tips for Teen Online Dating

Teen dating whether online or off is very popular these days not limiting to adults only, but younger generation and teenagers are also involved into it. Teen dating is considered as important part in the life. Teen dating is a time of social experimentation for teenagers. 

Teen online dating can be fun if you are aware of its pros and cons and are also aware of the ways to prevent that. Teen online dating should be a memorable experience not a horrifying one.

Teen online dating is very famous these days because of its convenience and advantages. The first and foremost advantage from teen online dating is that you can contact matches without revealing your real identity avoiding the embarrassment if doesn't work out. Teen online dating is a time to learn about person's qualities and attributes through the conversation.

Ideas for Great Teen Dates

A few ideas for great teen dates that are low pressure, encourage interaction, and have the potential for a great time:

El Cheapo
Give your date a limited amount of money to spend on your outfit.

Wild West
Send out a “warrant” for your date’s arrest, listing the time and date they will be “arrested.” Before picking up your date, dress in western clothing, remembering to bring some for your date (you may want to include a fake gun). You could also blindfold your date. Afterwards, try bowling handcuffed.

Wet n’ Wild
If you are anywhere near a body of water, renting canoes can be a lot of fun.

Service with a Smile
For the teen who is on a tight budget, volunteering at local homeless shelters, libraries, boys and girls club, nursing homes, the YMCA, handicap service providers, food banks, or a soup kitchen can be a lot of fun and very rewarding.
5 Questions To Ask An Online Date  

Online dating services are on the rise, especially special feature websites, like teen online dating, gay online dating, and senior online dating. Cyber stalking is up 55% in the last two years, and meeting someone on the outside after meeting them online in a chat room or through an online dating service can be risky business.

- Some questions for online dating tips.

* What is the biggest mistake people make when first dating?
* Define a truly successful relationship.
* What happened with your last relationship? (Again, listen for blaming. If they're willing to share equally, great, if they take all of the blame they probably have low self esteem and are needy.
* What do you really think about online dating services?

Making The Most of A Blind Date

In many ways blind dating is no different than any other type of dating. The basic elements of dating still exist but you do need to exercise more caution in a blind date. Like any other date you want a blind date to go well so that you can ensure yourself a second date. However, while it is important to exercise caution in all types of dating it's even more important in blind dating. Another factor unique to blind dating is getting set up with a great date. While this may not always be in your hands there are some ways that you can take some initiative in this area.

Like any date the key to a blind date is setting yourself up for a second date. Arranging a fun date and being interesting to your date are two keys to achieving a second date. In making conversation on a blind date, it is important to take an interest in what your date has to say. Doing this will let them know that you are interested in getting to know them better. Also, try speaking about subjects that you really enjoy. This will make you not only sound more natural but will also make you sound more interesting.

Dressing to impress is also critical to a blind date. In meeting someone for the first time you will want to ensure that you make a good first impression. You don't always know how much a blind date already knows about you but it doesn't hurt to show up for the date looking as though you have put a great deal of effort into your appearance. You're date will appreciate the effort and be flattered by your going out of your way to impress them.

One key factor to blind dating is to exercise caution in meeting your date. Even if you are being set up by a close friend you can't be positive that they know the person they are setting you up with very well. It's best to set up an initial meeting in a well lit and populated location. Never agree to meet someone you don't know at a secluded location. While your blind date may be a wonderful person with no intentions of hurting you, it's best to exercise caution on a blind date.

Another factor unique to the blind dating situation is getting yourself set up with a great date. You may have several friends that are interested in setting you up with a friend or relative whom they think is just perfect for you but try not to agree to go on a blind date that is set up by someone who doesn't know you very well. If they don't know you well, then don't trust them to choose a date for you. However, if you have a friend who does know you very well, don't hesitate to drop hints about what you are looking for in a date. Those who know you best are most likely to set you up with a compatible blind date.

Making an honest effort to have a good time on your date is another tip that can lead to a successful blind date. If you go into a blind date with the attitude that things won't work out, you will most likely unconsciously put a damper on the date. Your date may sense your lack of enthusiasm and in turn won't be inspired to put an effort into having a good time either.

Another tip for blind dating is to be sure to end the date appropriately. Many people may recommend that when going on a blind date you have a backup plan in place such as having a friend call you shortly after the date starts to give you an excuse to leave if things aren't going well but doing this just isn't right. Instead extend your blind date the same common courtesy that you would any other date and be willing to complete the entire date. If neither party is having a good time, it's acceptable to end the date early and just agree that you weren't compatible but don't be too quick to give up on the date. Also, at the conclusion of the date be honest about your feelings towards your date. If things just didn't work out, don't be afraid to let them know instead of offering empty promises of future dates. However, if you truly enjoyed your date, let your partner know and take the opportunity to suggest a second date.

Bringing a friend along is another tip for blind dating. This is helpful for a couple of reasons. First if your blind date had any malicious intentions towards you, having a friend along is likely to spoil his plan. Secondly a friend may be able to ease the tension and break the ice by getting the conversation started. While the addition of an extra person on a date may seem awkward, having them there can provide emotional spirit and an additional comfort level.

Even if the date is going well, another tip for blind dating is to end the date after 2-3 hours. This is an adequate amount of time for two people to get to know each other on a date and determine whether or not they would be interested in a second date. Blind dates that last longer than this often reach a point where the couple runs out of things to talk about and the date can stagnate leaving a negative feeling at the end of the date. Keeping the date short can help you to end the date on a positive note and will leave you with more to talk about on a second date.

Being yourself is important on any date but it's critical on a blind date. A blind date deals with someone who does not know you so it's important to give them a true sense of yourself on your date. You may get away with pretending to be something you are not on the first date but it may lead to trouble in future dates as your date realizes you were phoney on the first date.

Finally, treat your blind date with the same courtesy that you would any other date. You may not know the person you are dating but it is important to arrive on time, be polite and put an honest effort into the date. Your blind date is just as deserving of these courtesies as any other person you have dated. A blind date is no excuse to let your manners lapse and mistreat your date.

For the most part blind dating does not differ from any other dating situation. However, there are a few things unique to blind dating of which you should be aware. Most importantly it is critical that you not put yourself in danger by agreeing to meet a blind date in a secluded location. Another unique aspect of the blind date is that you are often set up by a friend or family member so you have the opportunity to learn what they think would be a suitable match for you. Beyond the specifics related to blind dating, the rules of regular dating still hold true. If you are polite, genuine, fun and interested in your date you will be likely to score a second date.

Asking for a Date

Whether a date's spontaneous or planned, the first or the last date, or you're young or old, sooner or later, going out with someone comes to this: Somebody has to ask for the date.

No matter how much or how little you plan (and regardless of your reputation, your Aunt Sylvia, the knot in your stomach, the advice of your friends, your New Year's resolution, or your success with dating or lack thereof) nobody, with the possible exception of Adam, ever made a date without asking for it. I bet that even with God as the go-between, sooner or later Eve expected Adam to pony up and find the courage to ask if they could take a walk in Paradise, and if he didn't, well, it explains a lot about the snake, don't you think?

Face it, the only thing scarier than the first date is asking for the first date. But if you can remember that you're not looking for a cure for cancer, that you won't die even if he or she says "yes," and that life as we know it will continue no matter what your potential date's response, you may relax enough to actually (gulp) ask for a date.

Gazillions of perfectly normal (and lots of less than normal) people have all gotten nervous about asking for a date. You and I and everybody else are connected to a long line of sweating, nervous, stuttering, tongue-tied souls, and even the slick ones feel anxious on the inside about asking for a date. Do you feel better? No? Well, I was afraid of that. Never fear - in this chapter, I tell you some things that should comfort you in the asking, help you in the consummation, and protect you from any possible devastation beyond a teensy pinch on the ego.

Risking Rejection

The First Rule to asking for a date is this: No guts, no glory. The worst-case scenario is that the prospective date says no. At that point, you're no worse off than you are at this very moment.

Rejection is definitely not fun, but a rejection is only one person's opinion of you. You don't like everyone, and not everyone is going to like you. If someone says no, then he or she misses out on getting to know how truly terrific you are.

Rejection can be the beginning of opportunity. Scads of hugely successful people just wouldn't take no for an answer. Think about Fred Astaire: When he first went to Hollywood, a talent scout wrote, "Big ears, too skinny, big nose, can dance a little." Many famous beauties and stars in many fields had to cope with someone's negative opinion of them - nobody hasn't faced rejection.

The question is: Are you going to let it get you down? Of course not! Alexander the Great probably conquered the world by the age of 30 because some shortsighted lass turned him down - maybe because he was too intense or short or something. Maybe that rejection made him want to make more than most

Grecians earn. (It's a pun; say it out loud - but definitely don't use it until the fourth or fifth date or after you're married or your last kid leaves for college or your hearing has gone.)

Rejection means that that person says no but not that everyone will. You need to realize when no is no, when someone's showing absolutely no interest. If someone consistently says no when you ask for a date, it's okay to say, "Look, I hear that you're not interested, and I don't want to be a pest. If you ever change your mind, here's my number," or "I'll call you in a year," but then for heaven's sake, don't call any sooner than that. With time, the sting really does go away.

Conversely, if you really don't want to go out with someone, don't say, "Maybe" or "Call me next week." Just say, "Thank you for asking, but it's just not possible." Remember that the world is a very small place. You may change your mind, or that person you turn down may marry your best friend or be in a position to hire you someday. There is no reason to ever hurt someone whose only sin is being interested in you, so be gentle but firm.

Rejection isn't gender specific. It's not any easier for guys to face rejection than it is for women. We've just programmed men for power, and asking someone out is boss, even if the whole experience is tinged with fear. Either sex can feel more powerful by taking the initiative and asking someone out.

A brush-off with style

The coolest rejection I ever got was from a guy who told me that he'd just gotten a call from an old girlfriend. He said, "She's reemerged in my life, and I need to see where it goes. I'll either marry her and invite you to the wedding, or I'd like to finally put it to rest. No matter what happens, I'd like to be able to call you." Cool, huh?

Biology has nothing to do with the ability to tolerate possible rejection. Women, if you've never asked a guy out, you should do it for your own liberal education. Guys love it. However, they may think you're hotter to trot (sexually) than you really are, so take that into consideration.

If you're afraid of rejection, you may miss out on a lot in this life, which is pretty darned short as it is. See if you can put that angst away, take the chip off your shoulder, and go for it.

Improving Your Odds

When asking for a date, having a plan is crucial, but you've got to stay a little loose. The more structured you are, the more dependent you are on meshing well with a stranger. Therefore, you need to read the signs, stay loose, and keep things light, flexible, and open. You can seriously improve the chances of getting a yes if you keep these tips in mind when you ask for a date.

Never ask for a first date for a Friday or Saturday night

These two main, big, serious date nights are too important a place to start. Asking for a first date on a Friday or Saturday is like playing at Wimbledon without a tennis lesson or having ever played on grass or at all. Even people who don't have dates and haven't had one for ages are often loathe to admit their plight to a stranger (and if you haven't had a first date, you're still strangers).

Start off with a Wednesday or Thursday night, which are nights when people generally don't have much planned. Also avoid Mondays like the plague. Everybody hates Mondays.

Never say, "Would you like to go out sometime?"

If you phrase the invitation like this and the askee says "no," you've left yourself absolutely no out except to be swallowed up by a prayed-for earthquake.

If the person says "yes," you still have to ask him or her out. Yikes. Instead, be specific. It's much better to say, "I'd love to see the new exhibit at the museum. Any interest in going either Wednesday or Thursday?" You offer a specific opportunity (as well as alternative days) and at the same time, you give your potential date a great deal of room in which to negotiate without sounding wishy-washy or desperate. Giving specifics also allows your potential date a couple of seconds to think about it, rather than getting caught completely off guard.

Always offer options about the date

Options can include the day, time, activity, and transportation. Options make you sound organized without being bossy or rigid, as long as you keep them limited. Offering a few choices at the outset makes you sound less panicky than you would if you were to offer them after the potential date says no to your initial suggestion.

If you're specific about the date and your potential date doesn't like the suggested activity but does like you, you can modify your plan.

Also, although a plan with several separate possibilities requires more work on your part, it offers a better chance of success - and a chance to figure out whether your potential date has any interest in you. After all, if you've offered all options regarding place, time, date, activity, and so on and the answer is still no, the problem is as clear as the writing on the wall, and you've hit the wall. Take a deep breath and move on. It's not the end of the world, just this potential date. Scary but efficient.

By offering to meet there, go in separate cars, or pick her up, you instantly show yourself to be considerate, capable, and sensitive to the fact that females have heard horror stories about being abducted by a date and never seen again.Although you're not Jack the Ripper, understanding that she may feel a little uneasy about being in a car with a stranger makes you a liberated and cool guy for thinking like a modern woman. You will score major points.

In the initial stages of dating, people sometimes want so much to be liked that they agree to things at the expense of their integrity. If your potential date has enough sense to say, "I'd love to do something with you, just not mud wrestling," then give that person a gold star. Don't be offended - be pleased. You have just found someone with brains, courage, and honesty.

Remember that timing is everything

Don't ask for tomorrow or next year. A basic rule is to ask for a first date a week to ten days in advance, but you can break this rule with impunity as the need arises. You can ignore these guidelines if the spirit moves you to be spontaneous. For example, "Hey, got time for an ice cream cone?" can get you an immediate yes; you can also expand this invitation to a "maybe next week" if you get a no.

Now is always a better time to ask than later because your courage may diminish over time. There are some obvious exceptions to this rule: Don't ask someone who is in a crisis (never ask for a date at a funeral), just getting out of a relationship (never ask for a date at a divorce hearing, even if the person isn't one of the parties involved; it's bad karma), or going through any other experience when you may appear to be exploiting a weakness. You need to take the other person's life situation into account as well.

Always go for it if you're having a good hair or anything else day

You're cuter when you're happy, and self-confidence is sexy. Don't get into the "well, today is a write-off, I may as well ask, get rejected, and make it a perfect score" mentality. You can tolerate being turned down more easily when you're feeling strong - not to mention that rejection is a lot less likely.

Asking someone out for a first date isn't the time to trot out your best anything, including your imagination, checkbook, or best friend. This is a time to think KISS: Keep it Simple, Sweetie. All you want to do here is send a clear and gentle but important message: I'd like to spend some time getting to know you better. Are you interested?

The Invitation: Sending the Message

You have several options when actually asking for the date. The choices may be influenced by circumstances (like distance), personality, and personal style. In general, the closer you are when you ask, the better. When you're close to the person, you get more information, you appear more courageous, and you get some practice for the date.

Answering machine etiquette

An answering machine message, unlike an offthe- cuff remark or rumor or discussion, can be saved and replayed and misinterpreted and overanalyzed and overreacted to and thrown back in your face. Not only that, but you never know who's going to be listening on the other end. Here are six messages never to leave on a date's machine:

1. You're the best I've ever had.

2. I never want to see you again.

3. It's me. Give me a call.

4. Next time, we'll go out.

5. Your mother is hot.

6 Can I have your friend's phone number?

You can adapt any of the following methods for sending the message to your level of comfort. But be careful that you're not hiding behind your comfort level - sooner or later, you're going to have to get out there and actually date.

1. Asking in person: When possible, this is the best way to ask by far because seeing the person face-to-face gives you the most information. You can read body language and see whether the potential date looks pleased, terrified, God-forbid-revolted, or delighted. Based on the other person's reaction, you can then modify your behavior accordingly or run. The disadvantage with asking in person is that it's also the scariest for the exact same reasons. But it's still preferred and also the friendliest technique.

2. Asking on the phone: This method gives you less information, but if you get panicky, you can always hang up before they answer (although caller ID has made hanging up without saying anything a great deal trickier). When you ask over the phone, nobody can see your palms sweating; but then again, you also can't see your potential date's reaction.

Never ask an answering machine for a date. It's cowardly, sends the wrong message (you're manipulating them by making them call back before you ask them out), and occasionally, the machine actually eats the message. You never know if your potential date got the message or if it was intercepted by a protective parent, a jealous ex, a careless roommate, or the Fates.

3. Asking through a third party: In elementary school, you may have asked your best friend to ask her best friend if someone liked you. You may have even eventually gotten an answer, but after Suzy told Peter, and Peter told you, were you really 100 percent sure about the answer? Third parties are a very unreliable method of information flow. When other people get involved, sometimes they add their two cents to your message. For example, what if your best friend liked me and wanted you to ask me if I'd go out on a date with him? Can you see lots of room for sabotage and miscommunication?

Remember the story of our Pilgrim forefathers, John Alden and Miles Standish? Miles was the governor who asked his best friend John to intercede on his behalf with Priscilla Mullens. Priscilla decided she liked the messenger, and Miles was left out in the cold. Don't ask somebody else to ask for your date. The messenger may end up taking your potential date, and then not only do you still need a date but you also need a new friend.

4. Asking with a note: Even though computers have made notes faster and sexier, notes don't offer you much information and feedback, whether they're e-mail or snail mail (through the post office). When you ask with a note, you also don't know the mood your potential date may be in. In addition, a note opens the opportunity for interception, misinterpretation, a delay in feedback, and a lack of flexibility. Ask anybody who's asked for an RSVP to a written invitation, and you begin to understand the problem with asking for a date through a note. If you're absolutely determined to ask for a date in writing, I suggest a handwritten note via the post office because it's classier and implies more effort and concern.

A brief note here on sending a note with flowers, cigars, wine, a baseball hat, a ticket, or any gift: Sending gifts with the note is cute but tricky. You don't want to appear to be bribing your potential date on the first date. Gifts can be a token of respect and admiration and are okay and even valuable as you're getting to know each other, but they can be too much too soon. Besides, you don't want to have to top yourself later and end up buying your potential date a small country by the fourth date. Start out simply.

Getting an Answer

Okey, dokey - you've made plans, offered options, and asked for a date. Now what? Well, either the answer is yes, you have a date, or no, you don't. If the answer is yes, you're flying and ready to go on to planning the old date-aroony.

Dealing with a no

If the answer is no, you have nothing to lose by asking if another day, place, time, or event would suit them. Listen to the response carefully. Often people really are tied up working late, taking care of a sick parent, getting out of a relationship, studying, or being distracted and would be willing to consider an invitation in the future, just not now.

If you're feeling brave, you can say, "If not now, how soon?" If you're feeling a bit vulnerable, you can say, "Let me give you my number, and you can give me a call when you're ready." The middle ground is to say, "Why don't I give you a holler in a week or two and see how you're doing?" If your potential date says fine, then do it. If he or she says "I'll call you," don't hold your breath. Who needs to turn blue?

Getting some feedback

If you get a no, you may want to take a minute to try to figure out why. Make sure you haven't gotten into some bad habits. You may need to ask yourself some tough questions. Are you too eager, too desperate, too whiny, too silly, or too tense? Is your breath okay? Do you make eye contact?

No matter how honest you think you are, give yourself some balance by asking a willing friend to critique your approach (you've seen it in a million movies where the hero or heroine practices in front of a mirror - no, not Travis Bickle's "You lookin' at me?" line). Balance your friend's feedback with your own opinion so that you're not being too easy or too harsh on yourself. If you mess up your careful scenario, your friend can give you some tips and hints on improving it, and you can make sense of what you meant to say or do.

Practicing can help you get a grip on your nerves. A little nervousness is flattering to the potential date because it shows that you really want to get to know him or her. Too much nervousness can panic both of you. All things considered, it's probably even better to be a little bit nervous than so nonchalant and cool that your potential date has the sense you couldn't care less if he or she accepts your invitation or not, because if he or she isn't interested, no biggie, it's not them, you'll just move on to someone else. It's not a terrible idea to start a first date on an honest basis. I know - don't tell anybody I told you, and we'll try to keep it our dirty little secret.