You wake up one day and your relationship is shattered. Most of the passion that existed between the two of you is gone, and your mate tells you that they don’t love you anymore. Maybe you’ve recently separated or are in the mists of a a relationship crisis. Even though it seems that the crisis appears suddenly, in many cases it does not. A relationship crisis usually builds slowly over time, with one person caught completely off guard, and the other claiming that they are tired of trying and trying, with no change. However, getting your mate to change themselves starts with you!
Step One: The Secret Principle for Removing Conflict and Hostility from a Relationship
Always agree. That’s right! Even if you still think your partner is wrong!
If you talk about where they are wrong they become more wrong, and if you talk about where they are right they immediately become less wrong. You see, most people don’t know that if you agree and sound sincere to the other person while refraining from defending yourself they will actually defend you! They will not only defend you, but in many cases will actually reverse their position. Now, I don’t at all mean that you should agree to every request that your partner has and reduce your self respect to the bottomless pit of no return. I want you to agree with what they blame you for, in regard to the relationship crisis. I will admit that this is difficult, and you will be tempted to argue with and criticize your partner in an attempt to change them.
However, if you wish to save your relationship you must try and avoid this behavior by putting your emotions aside!
Your partner says, “You know I don’t love you anymore, you don’t understand me, and we never communicate.” Your initial reaction would be to defend yourself by attacking their short comings! Avoid doing this at all costs!!!! Instead, try these two simple phrases; I agree, and I understand.
Tell them that you agree, and that you understand they've been asking you for a change, and you haven’t given it to them!
Don’t blame them for not wanting to be in the relationship any longer. You may at first feel like your moving toward ending the relationship, but really you are getting to the root of why they feel the relationship isn’t working. They want the relationship to end because you’re always disagreeing with and trying to change them, and they have asked you for a change, but you haven’t given it to them.
Step Two: Change your Side of The Equation by overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs, Fears, and Insecurities.
When in the mists of a relationship crisis most people feel victimized and conclude that their partner is to blame. However, I have a different stance on this, which can best be exemplified by Bill Murray in the movie Ground Day. If you look closely there is a deep profound message here, for relationships. Murray the jaded weatherman is forced to step into the proverbial mud puddle day after day after day. His continued desperate attempts to break the cycle of reliving the same day again and again fail miserably, when he manipulates people and lies for his own self gratification. It is only when he begins to offer compassion, understanding and unconditional love that he got a different result. The lesson here is that nothing will change in our lives until we change from the inside out!
You see, saving your relationship does rest solely in your hands! In order to get your partner to change you must change! Take the time to do a bit of self reflection to uncover the patterns that are causing your crisis. What self limiting beliefs are sabotaging your relationship? Discover what these beliefs are and overcome them, and you hold the key to fixing your relationship! You see, these negative beliefs actually prevent you from being your true self, and the best way to have the relationship of your dreams is to be your most joyous, exquisite, loving self.
You must be your most true authentic self, bubbling over with feminine grace and the sheer jubilation in being the woman that you are. To do that you have to discover who you really are inside and what it feels like to be your true best self. This takes awakening your true self and developing your own personal power. One way to awaken your Feminine Grace is through meditation. Quieting the mind through the practice of meditation will force the ego to take a back seat and allow your feminine grace to shine through. Many woman practice ego-centered love and have yet to discover their true inner self and their gifts of feminine grace. Perhaps that’s because going inside yourself and taking a good hard look at who you really are is a difficult task. However, finding the courage to embark on this vision quest and discovering your feminine grace is well worth the effort. Not only will you shed the self limiting beliefs that have sabotaged your relationship, but you’ll be amazed at how your partner will respond to you! He won’t be able to exist without you!!!
Let’s sum up the Secret Principle, shall we?
- A. Agree with your partner about the issues they blame you for, in regard to the relationship crisis. Enthusiastically see it their way. Avoid arguing, complaining and criticizing. Remove the hostility and allow them to change themselves.
- B. Nothing will change in your life until you change from the inside out, and change your side of the equation! Discover your true self and your Feminine Grace. Remove the negative self limiting beliefs. Act out of unconditional love, understanding and compassion to attract the same from your partner.
The following statement of agreement is based on a relationship, which the partner blames and resents his wife for being verbally abusive, and controlling, which has caused the crisis to escalate to the point of separation.
I have been thinking about some things and I want you to know that I agree with you and I understand. I know that there have been times when I have been verbally abusive and have said things to you that I shouldn’t have. I also know that because of my own fears I have been very controlling in our relationship. Never wanting you to have any friends, and always being suspicious of where you are and what you’re doing, even though you’ve never given me a reason to feel that way. I know that you have asked me for a change and I haven’t given you one, so I honestly don’t blame you for feeling the way that you do. And, I don’t blame you for wanting the separation! I just wanted to tell you that I understand.
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Best wishes,
David Roppo
Relationship Rehab for Women
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